epicrapbattlesofhistoryfandomcom-20200222-history
User blog:BackToTheFuturama86/Walter White and Jesse Pinkman vs Jules Winnfield and Vincent Vega. Epic Rap Battles of Villainy Season 1
Well, it certainly has been a long time, hasn't it? I was bored today and had been putting off this (as well as a bunch of other shit) for quite some times, so I figured I'd write it. Well, here it is, and it has a couple of my favorite lines I've ever written in it, so I hope you enjoy it! Today's installment features Breaking Bad antiheroes/druglords Walter White and Jesse Pinkman rapping against Pulp Fiction antiheroes/hitmen Vincent Vega and Jules Winnfield to see which drug-related violent antihero duo from acclaimed works is better, or something. Special thanks to Jude for making all of the images for this battle! (I'm pretty sure. It's been so long that I don't entirely remember) I don't write to a particular beat, so good luck finding one that fits my tempo (which I broke a couple times anyway but fuck that) and the length of this monstrous battle. Cast EpicLLOYD as Walter White Nice Peter as Jesse Pinkman Mark Douglas as Vincent Vega Keegan-Michael Key as Jules Winnfield Zach Sherwin as Saul Goodman (speaking cameo) Mike Betette as Hector Salamanca (*ding*''ing cameo) Alphacat as Gus Fring (cameo) Jordan Peele as Marsellus Wallace (cameo) Sulai Lopez as Mia Wallace (cameo) Intro VS! BEGIN! Battle Walter and Jesse Tell me, Jesse: What is the formula for a Tarantino script? Yo, that's easy, Mistah White. Dated references and shit Plus profanity, then filler full of foot-fetish fulfillment Flip the order 'round a bit, and boom! The critics call it brilliant That's correct. Now let's assess the rapping talents of our targets: 99.6% pure shit, '''the most worthless pricks on the market!' Vincent, you're Travolting. A Grease-y looking heartbreak Don't Face/Off with me, bitch. I went from Bill Nye to Scarface And don't forget about Julie! Yo, your style's starting to smell Been in fifty thousand movies, and all you ever do is yell I'm a killer on the Mike, you don't wanna make me mad Call this "divine intervention," but we're not sending you to rehab You're getting beaten Negro y Azul by Albuquerque's Big Kahuna I'm gettin' it on with Jessica Jones, you tools are jerkin' it to Uma Let's, like, get medieval on their asses! Wait. Is a bullet really worth it? Why don't we let them take themselves out? Yeah, we'll let 'em Battlefield Earth it! Now, let's be realistic. I don't think it should really be hard to topple A man who took a trip to Paris just for hash bars and McDonald's Like, with all those quarter-pounders, check your cholesterol, y'all! You're in big trouble now that you've chosen us, so you Better Call Saul! Jules and Vincent Yo Vincent, check this out. Bunsen and Beaker here think they're a threat Heisenberg's supposed to be a genius, but I've seen bigger brains on Brett Yeah, like, something seems familiar 'bout these thieving little snitches Hey, that's it! White and Pinkman ? Man, I knew these two were bitches That's not all they stole neither! Looks like they barely missed the goldmine They ripped off all our styles, but got no clue how to write a storyline You try to act all tough, but there's nothing less manly Than a bald dude in the desert wearing an apron and panties And Pinkman, you're a pussy, letting everyone break you Losing women and friends, plus your mom and dad hate you You took a half measure when it came to Gus Fring But here's the thing: The man who really poisoned Brock was - *ding* Back to Walt. Five seasons of treatment, but you just kept getting sicker And I don't mean your disease - What's on your wallet, "Bad Father Figure"? You kept secrets from your wife, brother in law, and lonely gimp son? You're the most incompetent TV family man since Homer Simpson! I'll shoot you up like Jesse's Girl, abandon you like your daughter Cause like, at least when my bitch ODs, I don't just stand and watch her Walter and Jesse We'll stick you up and waste ya' while Vincent's taking a dump Yo, we made the Emmys our bitch! You got ditched for Forrest Gump Say my name, Winnfield. Say my name again, I dare you I've had it with this motherfucking mistake and his motherfucking hairdo! And yo, like Vincent, your career sorta met with a hitch When you started worshipping aliens. Yeah! Scientology, bitch! I am the one who'll knock these two dorks out of the park, 'cause I won Best get your feet ready, fuckers, cause it's time for you to Jules and Vincent Man, I need an adrenaline shot to the heart after those boring-ass lines Speakin' of verses, I got this one here from the Bible memorized: "And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger Those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers" And you say you're the danger? I'll twist your neck like a Jackrabbit! Nah, that would be inadequate How 'bout I shoot you in the face like Marvin, but this won't be an accident You let pride fuck with you and left Grey Matter to become a chemist? Man, I don't usually touch bacon, but let me spell "dumbass" with your breakfast We fuck with crime lords, you know we spit the meanest stanzas You fuck with Neo-Nazis and Latino Colonel Sanders! Don't need to ask if y'all look like bitches, 'cause we already know the answer But I'll ask you this: What's Calcium, Nitrogen, Carbon, and Erbium? It's WHO WON? WHO'S NEXT? YOU DECIDE! EPIC RAP BATTLES OF VILLAINY! Who won? Who won? Jules and Vincent Walter and Jesse Hints: Screen Shot 2017-07-21 at 10.38.17 PM.png Screen Shot 2017-07-21 at 11.19.53 PM.png ERBoV Category:Blog posts